Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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