So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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