The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
