i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
