I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
