Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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