Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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