just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
