hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
