Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
