you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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