No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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