Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize