WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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