Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
