It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
