i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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