I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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