I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
