Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ketchup is God's man juice
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
