There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
