I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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