Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
