Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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