oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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