Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
