it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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