ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
