Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
