In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
