You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
