he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
