I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
