What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
