Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize