Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry about my life...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
