so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
