I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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