I wish I only lived at night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
