I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
