I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
