After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
