we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
