Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
