New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
