after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
