yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
