conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
