i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
