You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
