How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
