hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's great music for shaving your balls
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
