apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
