you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
