Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize