If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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