i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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