Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
