i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
