Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
