My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
