OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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