I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
