Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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