he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
