I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
