He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
