Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize