They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
