Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
