I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
