i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
