New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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