no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
