Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
