We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
