Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
