I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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