It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
