the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
