How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
