So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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