I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
