I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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