You work out of a Hotel?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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