Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
