he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My vagina is officially offended.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize