I hate all girls vehemently.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
