Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
