I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
