dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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