It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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