and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
