i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dick very happy bro
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
