When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I pour the whiskey from now on
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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