If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
