Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
