Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
