dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize